


Texts from the Bus

by waferkya



Series: boys with phones [1]
Category: Basketball RPF
Genre: Crack, M/M, Nonsense, Texting, in that it doesn't make any sense whatsoever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-11
Updated: 2013-03-11
Packaged: 2017-12-05 00:49:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/716961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waferkya/pseuds/waferkya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>jingles7: i’m just saying i’ve never heard of a brazilian restaurant</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Texts from the Bus

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, I had way too much fun writing this one. Thank you Def. <3

**cjw3rd:** awwww yissss mothafuckers

 **cjw3rd:** this chair is so comfy

 **cjw3rd:** (no it’s not)

 **xrbseda:** No it’s not

 **cjw3rd:** MARRY ME BABY

 **xrbseda:** Fuck off thanks

 **cjw3rd:** <3

 **jcn11:** you guys realize you are sitting next to each other right?

 **cjw3rd:** WHAT

 **cjw3rd:** OMG U R RIGHT

 **cjw3rd:** RABA-BB

 **jcn11:** …

 **jcn11:** please stop making kissing noises

 **jcn11:** and sex noises

 **jcn11:** please

 **jcn11:** PLEASE

 **jingles7:** lol u guys made juanki yell great job

 **jingles7:** seriously tho knock it off

 **cjw3rd:** u canj oin in if y want

 **jingles7:** I’M COMING

 **jcn11:** that’s what he said

 **xrbseda:** omg what have we done

 

 

It began, like most tragedies do, harmlessly enough.

It’s a lazy Sunday afternoon in the summer, the sun big and hot and shiny and very, very nice. Joe is sprawled on a giant towel on the beach, the tip of his nose red and sprinkled with freckles, when his phone buzzes in his swimsuit’s pocket.

It’s a text that CJ has sent to him, Marce and Raba, no doubt, and when Joe has tugged his sunglasses off, he reads: _guys i just realized texting is so fucking expensive in this country i mean wtf_. Joe smiles a little, appreciating the irony of whining about that _in a bulk text_ , but before he can thumb off his reply, the phone buzzes again.

_wait i got it_

And then CJ sends him a link to some instant messaging app, and Joe never reads the Terms of Service before accepting them anyway, so they might have tried to warn him that this is the beginning of the end, but he’ll never ever know.

 

 

 **mvpete:** I am going to murder you guys

 **mvpete:** 436 unread messages?? Wtf??

 **cjw3rd:** yeahhh sorry about that man

 **cjw3rd:** victor got me hooked on asoiaf, i had to vent

 **mvpete:** Great so I can’t even scroll through it because spoilers

 **cjw3rd:** nah it’s fine i’m like 100 pgs into the first book

 **mvpete:** …

 **mvpete:** 436 MESSAGES FOR 100 PAGES???

 **mvpete:** Bro we need to talk you have a problem

 **mvpete:** Also don’t ever talk to Juanca about it I beg you

 **cjw3rd:** lol k

 

 

It’s just the four of them at first—Joe, CJ, Marce, and Raba, chatting idly through the dead of the days or making plans or sharing funny jokes they heard on tv or whining or just, you know, pouring onto the screens of their phones whatever thought happens to cross their mind.

They get Victor on it as soon as he gets back from Poland, and if he’s a little baffled by the Joyce-y stream of consciousness his phone is constantly barfing back at him, he quickly gets over it and starts contributing to the neverending conversation with plenty of recs for books and movies and tv shows, but really mostly it’s books, but he’s Victor and they love him a lot, so they don’t mind it, even though there’s no chance in hell any of them is ever going to read _The Sound and the Fury_ , thank you very much.

Then suddenly it’s February, they’ve been locked together for days to work their hardest for the King’s Cup, and Juan Carlos gives up and asks just what the hell are the five of them doing, constantly looking at their phones and giggling in stereo, possibly at the same things. And they let them all in on the secret, because it was never really meant to be a secret really.

And as it turns out, when it comes to team-building exercises there’s nothing quite like being woken up in the middle of the night by a loose text from CJ announcing that in no universe whatsoever it’s acceptable to just kill off your main character, Jesus H. Christ.

That is totally, absolutely, truly the only reason they are able to pull such an amazing, breath-taking playoffs series against Real Madrid that year.

CJ should get an extra trophy.

 

 

_Group: FANTASTIC FOUR YES GOOD_

**jingles7:** JINGLES IS BACK IN TOWN BITCHES

 **jingles7:** HIDE YO SONS HIDE YO DAUGHTERS WE ARE GOIN OUT TONITE

 **cjw3rd:** awwww yisssss

 **jingles7:** my mate natey’s comin 2

 **xrbseda:** He’s our mate now too

 **jingles7:** THAT’S THE SPIRIT RABALOVE

 **jingles7:** marce where r u I need u I miss u babe answer me

 **huertas9:** shut up

 **cjw3rd:** marce is depressed

 **jingles7:** DDDD: WHY MY BRAZILIAN GOD OF SEX AND CURLS, WHY ARE YOU DEPRESSED???

 **cjw3rd:** we got jasikevicius

 **jingles7:** so what?

 **huertas9:** so I’m completely fucked, that’s what

 **jingles7:** awww c’mon babe don’t be like that

 **huertas9:** no you don’t understand

 **huertas9:** juanqui is in love with him

 **jingles7:** dfhjdhfkdj

 **jingles7:** that was the sound of me falling off my chair jsyk

 

 **jingles7:** Juanki u there?

 **jcn11:** yup

 **jingles7:** hi ur majesty <3

 **jcn11:** hi

 **jingles7:** ARE U IN LOVE WITH THIS JASIKEVICIUS DUDE

 **jingles7:** BECAUSE I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL

 **jingles7:** IS HE THE REASON WHY WE HUNG OUT SO LITTLE IN LONDON

 **jcn11:** what

 **jcn11:** joe have you been talking to pau?

 **jingles7:** NO???

 **jingles7:** SHOULD I???????????

 

 **jingles7:** PAU

 **jingles7:** PAU

 **jingles7:** PAU

 **piolin16:** Hey, Joe! How are you?

 **jingles7:** ARE JUANKI AND THIS JASIKEVICIUS DUDE AN ITEM

 **jingles7:** I NEED TO KNOW BECAUSE BLACKMAIL MATERIAL

 **jingles7:** also I’m bored out of my mind hi how are you

 **piolin16:** …

 **piolin16:** I’m just going to pretend this conversation never happened okay?

 **jingles7:** PAU NO

 **jingles7:** DO NOT ABANDON ME MATE

 

 

So the thing is, soon enough they just stop talking to each other entirely, especially during the long-ass trips to away games. It has reached the point that the only sounds to be heard, for hours and hours on end, are the soft lullaby of miscellaneous bullshit being tapped away, and the occasional giggle.

The coach is in heaven, because a quiet plane, bus, or whatever means that he can do his last-minute research and plotting and napping so much more efficiently—and seriously, how is CJ not the official savior of the team already?

Ah, right. It’s because they have Juan Carlos.

 

 

 **thesaras:** django unchained @diagonal mar tomorrow 9pm who’s up?

 **erazorro:** pass, wedding anniversary

 **thesaras:** aw man

 **thesaras:** i can get you divorced in no time if you want

 **erazorro:** lol thanks but i don’t even like tarantino that much tbh

 **jcn11:** count me in

 **thesaras:** Erazem Lorbek wtf did you just say I am most disappointed in you

 **cjw3rd:** I’m in too!!!!!

 **thesaras:** cj no you have that thing

 **cjw3rd:** what thing? I don’t have a thing

 **thesaras:** yes you do

 **cjw3rd:** ?????

 **cjw3rd:** oh okay yes right sorry haha have fun

 **atomic:** don’t get kicked out of there too boys

 **jcn11:** I have no idea what you’re talking about

 

 

 **jingles7:** okay so listen up everybody

 **jingles7:** I am staging an intervention

 **huertas9:** wow now you’re scaring me

 **jcn11:** you do realize we’re sitting in the same bus so you could just speak up, right?

 **jingles7:** okay so here’s the thing

 **jingles7:** omfg juanki YES WE KNOW BUT IT’S BETTER THIS WAY

 **mvpete:** Juanca, just give up on them you’ll sleep better

 **jcn11:** it really isn’t

 **jingles7:** i know you’re completely smitten with my sexy voice  & sexier accent but please

 **jingles7:** embrace the innovations of techonology yes?

 **sarass:** lol sexy voice

 **sarass:** jingles please

 **aabrines:** I’m with Saras on this one

 **jingles7:** ET TU ALEJANDRO

 **aabrines:** lol

 **jingles7:** anyways it’s funny that you’re speaking saras

 **jingles7:** because the intervention is actually about you okay

 **jcn11:** wait i’m gonna get the popcorn

 **cjw3rd:** there’s popcorn on the bus?

 **cjw3rd:** fuck you raba i know this is your sock

 **xrbseda:** :D

 **xrbseda:** give it back later please

 **cjw3rd:** i am stuffing it in my underpants right now

 **jingles7:** OH MY GOD YOU GUYS CAN YOU STFU FOR A SEC

 **jingles7:** I’M TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING

 **mvpete:** Now you know how we all feel about you Joe

 **jingles7:** SARAS

 **jingles7:** WILL YOU PLEASE STOP CHANGING YOUR NICKNAME EVERY THREE SECONDS

 **jingles7:** I GET CONFUSED

 **sarass:** lol

 **jingles7:** I ALMOST SENT MY MOM A PICTURE OF JUANKI’S BUM BC I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU

_/sarass changed his name to wolfking_

**wolfking:** what

_/wolfking changed his name to 131313_

**131313:** do you mean

_/131313 changed his name to fuckmejuanqui_

**fuckmejuanqui:** change my nickname

 **cjw3rd:** DUDE

_/fuckmejuanqui changed his name to jasidelicious_

**jasidelicious:** every three seconds?

 **cjw3rd:** DUDR I AM FUCKING DYUING

 **cjw3rd:** LAUGHJING

 **atomic:** yes we can hear you cj

 **jingles7:** …

 **jingles7:** …

 **jingles7:** for what it’s worth, juanki i’m sorry

 **jasidelicious:** also send me that fucking picture already

 **ruuufio:** i want it too!!!!!

 

_Group: FANTASTIC FOUR YES GOOD_

**jingles7:** do you think juanki is going to murder me in my sleep?

 **huertas9:** yes

 **huertas9:** yes i am

 **huertas9:** -j

 **jingles7:** SOBBING

 

 

Brad is fairly certain he never downloaded any sort of insant messaging app, let alone set the zipping sound of a lightsaber as his texts ringtone, but as he’s getting into his apartment building’s elevator that’s exactly what he hears: he doesn’t have a tiny Obi-Wan Kenobi in his pocket, thank God, and when he fishes out his iPhone, it cheerfully announces he has one, two, four, fifteen unread messages.

 _What the fuck_ , Brad thinks, and the messages keep flowing in.

 

 **jingles7:** i’m just saying i’ve never heard of a brazilian restaurant

 **mtodorovic:** but there’s the brazilian wax

 **jingles7:** AHAHAHAH OH MY FUCKING GOD

 **huertas9:** fuck you dude you love it when my mom cooks

 **jingles7:** yeah but pasta is hardly brazilian food

 **cjw3rd:** it’s italian

 **cjw3rd:** polenta too

 **cjw3rd:** trust me i know italy

 **jingles7:** right? and then you guys have tapas

 **jingles7:** and rice and beans how is that typical they eat that everywhere

 **mtodorovic:** so basically brazilian cuisine is a rip-off of everything european

 **jingles7:** marko ilu

 **mtodorovic:** except for drinks

 **jingles7:** yeah u guys know what to do with alcohol i’ll give you that

 **huertas9:** wow thanks

 **aabrines:** …ssssooooo are we going out for dinner or not?

 

Brad has never paid much attention to all the rumors about Barça Regal— _the average mental age in that locker room is around twelve_ , Maciej used to say,— but right now, he’s starting to think maybe he should’ve been wiser.

 

 

 **aabrines:** we should get mario in this thing too

 **mtodorovic:** yeah!!

 **atomic:** you boys do that before joe does

 **atomic:** your hormonal tempests are still excusable

 **aabrines:** WHAT I’M JUST TRYING TO BE NICE

 **mtodorovic:** yeah he’s kinda creepy

 **jingles7:** I’M NOT CREEPY

 **jingles7:** I LOVE YOU HOW DOES LOVE GET CREEPY

 **jingles7:** I’M NOT OLD

 **jingles7:** YOU ARE THE INFANTS

 **jingles7:** JUANKI SARAS HELP ME WITH THE CHILDREN WHERE ARE YOU

 **atomic:** probably getting arrested for public display

 **jingles7:** lol

 **jingles7:** again

 **broleson:** again?

 **jingles7:** HELLO BRADLEYYY

 

 

They’re coming home from Tenerife on a Sunday evening, after a game that kept everyone on the edge of their seat until the very last shot, and Saras is the first to switch his phone back on once they get off the plane. 

“What the fuck,” he says, laughing as the thing starts buzzing in his hand like a crazy bee. CJ, who’s right behind him, peers over his shoulder.

“Shit, is that Juanki?” he asks; Saras laughs and nods and finally the phone shuts up, only a pop-up annoucing he has 113 unread messages.

He shakes his head and discards the notification, quickly scrolling through his contacts until he’s calling Juan Carlos.

“Please tell me you sent some blanks to get to 113,” he says, the moment he picks up.

“Yeah,” Juan Carlos mumbles, and Saras can tell he’s blushing. “But honestly I only had to come up with three or four.”

“Aw, baby, your concern melts my heart.”

“Yeah, what can I say. I’d be so, so happy if I didn’t have to freak out via texts. I think my fingers are wearing out.”

Saras playfully slaps the back of Marko’s head when the kid walks past him. “Did you write to me in private though?”

“You didn’t even take a look?”

“We just got off the plane, love.”

Ante lifts the phone from his hand and puts it to his own ear. “Hello, o fearless leader. Did you get an heart attack?”

Saras tries to kick him in the shin, but the bastard is quick and so fucking tall, the phone is completely out of his reach.

“Put him on speaker!” Saras sighs, as they go through the first set of sliding doors, and Ante complies so he hears Juan Carlos mumble, “No, I didn’t, but thanks for trying.”

Ante grins. “D’you wanna talk to Marce?”

“I do not _permit_ it,” Saras protests, flailing angrily, and he’s only half-joking.

“It’s fine,” Juan Carlos says. “Give me back to the crazy one before he faints.”

 

 

 **jcn11:** omfg what was that

 **jcn11:** nate you are my favorite

 **jcn11:** scratch that you are my only favorite

 **jcn11:** …scratch that i will kick your head in next time i see you so wear a helmet or sth

 **jcn11:** marce bless your soul

 **jcn11:** and your feet

 **jcn11:** i will fucking murder that referee

 **jcn11:** what’s his name again?

 **jcn11:** i will look for you, i will find you and i will kill you

 **jcn11:** good job on that d guys

 **jcn11:** saras shut up i can hear you make dick jokes they’re not funny anymore

 **jcn11:** OH C’MON IS HE SERIOUS

 

 

The trip from the airport to the city is actually longer than the flight but they’re all sort of fine with it, because they have their captain’s freak out to entertain them, and then they end up mercilessly teasing him about it, and it’s so good Marko totally has to take a picture of the back of the bus where most of them are cramped, tapping on their phones like crazy people as they try to shatter the Holy Man’s patience and make him beg.

 

 **jingles7:** we missed u so much

 **erazorro:** yeah especially during the break

 **mvpete:** Saras is dangerous when left unattended

 **aabrines:** He walks around naked

 **aabrines:** I am scarred for life

 **jasidelicious:** please kid we already have our faux virgin princess

 **jasidelicious:** it’s juanqui obvs

 **jasidelicious:** you can’t beat him at that he’s the best so you should just give up

 **jcn11:** …what are you even talking about

 **jasidelicious:** see?

 **jasidelicious:** he’s that good

 **njawai:** lol

 **njawai:** are we going out for lunch tomorrow everyone?

 **njawai:** I think we earned it

 **jingles7:** ONLY IF I CAN EAT THINGS OFF JUAN CARLOS’ BODY

 **jcn11:** WHAT THE HELL

 **jasidelicious:** that’s actually a good idea joe i’m impressed

 **xrbseda:** u guys are scary

 **cjw3rd:** joe i'm getting jealous back here

 **huertas9:** jingles should we get jealous

 **cjw3rd:** MARRRRRRCE

 **huertas9:** high five

 **jcn11:** hurry back home you assholes

 **jcn11:** and please from now on drink only bottled water because what the hell 

 

 **ruuufio:** juanki

 **ruuufio:** juanki why did you offer candy to mario

 **ruuufio:** u never offered me candy

 **ruuufio:** except u kno

 **ruuufio:** that candy

 **ruuufio:** juanki did mario get that candy too????? :(((((

 **jcn11:** PLEASE STOP TALKING TO JOE

 

Next trip, Juan Carlos is definitely going to confiscate all their fucking phones.

**Author's Note:**

> Ladies and gentlemen, [please](http://distilleryimage0.s3.amazonaws.com/95badc5888c211e2904b22000a1f8c1d_7.jpg) [say hi](http://distilleryimage5.s3.amazonaws.com/42c8522689dc11e2979622000a1fb04f_7.jpg) [to my team](http://instagram.com/p/WmkeNCAWlb/) [of adult](https://twitter.com/Joeingles7/status/269197415838523392) [children](http://img01.lavanguardia.com/2013/02/10/GRA232-VITORIA-10-02-2013-El-b_54365263918_53389389549_600_396.jpg).


End file.
